As I approach the 4 year mark since the last time I’ve had sex and facing the decision that I plan to wait until I’m married to have sex again the constant question that recieve is ” Are you sure that it’s going to happen?” I’d usually respond with a slow head nod and some uncertainty saying ” Yes.. well I hope so.” Because I’ve abstained from sex for so long my perception of it varies in some aspects the idea of sex is so grand and in others it’s just not that important. When I think about marriage, sex plays such a small role in what I presume the agenda of my future husband would be. I don’t think someone would vow to spend the rest of their life with me just so we can have sex. I know that is not the best the most high God can do for me so I won’t even consider that to be any form of reasoning. But in terms of the grand scheme of being sexually active my ultimate goal is not to have sex it’s to Make Love:
I want to make love to a man that is infatuated with God. I want to make love a man the recognizes the God in me. I want to make love to a man that will never leave me in the dark. If I fall in love I want to make love to a man that is falling with me. I want to make love to a man that is vulnerable with me, a man that trusts me and I do him. I want to make love to a man that I am not afraid to follow. I trust his walk with God and I am willing to allow him to take the lead. I want to make love to the man that is the father of my children, we will raise them, educate and nurture them,together.
I want to make love to a man that understands that we are only physical representations of what is going on in the spiritual world. Our souls are centered, in alignment, and are becoming one. I want my rib. I want my soulmate. I want consistency. I want commitment. I want loyalty. I want forgiveness. I want acceptance. I want what God wants for me. Taking in consideration all these preferences sex and marriage are too things I am willing to wait for. 1. Because I know what I want. 2. Because I just don’t want to have sex I want to make Love. 3. Anything worth having is worth waiting for and 4. Because God’s timing is perfect timing. . .
I owe it to God, I owe it to myself and I owe it to my future husband. This journey is an interesting one but I’ve been blessed to reap the sewing of patience, self preservation, and discipline. It gives sacredness and value an entirely new meaning. I’m in too deep, I know too much, I’m willing to wait.